How Do You Get a Girl On Valentine's Day?
by FangQueen13
Summary: A nice lyrical little piece for Valentine's Day. Remus seeks help from Sirius in getting his valentine...Only Sirius doesn't realize exactly how much he's helping. MWPP SLASH! RLSB


Disclaimer: I'm just warning you that I didn't invent Hogwarts, or Remus, or Sirius, or any of that lovely stuff from the Harry Potter series...in case you were delusional.

Author's note: Well I wrote this for Valentine's Day, but was too much of a slacker to post it until 11:00 on the 14th. So sorry about that, but it's still sweet and fluffy anyway. And just to clear things up, this is **SLASH**, so don't get all offended if you're homophobic. I did warn you. 

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How Do You Get a Girl On Valentine's Day?**

* * *

"Sirius, how do you get a girl on Valentine's Day?" 

Sirius looked away from the flames in the Gryffindor common room, glad for the distraction from his Valentine's Eve pondering. "Got some particular bird in mind?"

Remus shrugged – his beautiful shrug where his eyebrows went up into his wavy fringe. "No, not really."

The other 7th year grinned. "Oh. So you just want to get laid?"

The werewolf blushed lightly. Sirius expected him to protest with _I didn't say that!_ or _Do you have to make it sound so crude?_ But Remus only said, "...Yeah," with the ghost of an amused grin.

Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. "Well, you've got to be really nice to her," he said pensively.

Remus set his homework on the table and scooted toward Sirius's side of the couch. "Like this?" he asked. "Sirius, I've _always_ admired you. You give such _good_ advice. _And_ you're so damned _sexy _no one can keep their hands off you."

Sirius swallowed. "Yeah," he replied rather stiffly. "Pretty much."

* * *

"Sirius, what do you do next?"

Sirius let his eyes roll down to Remus's shoes and up again. Remus was wearing faded bell-bottom jeans and a maroon sweater. It was the morning of a Hogsmeade weekend and all the students were dressed in free dress, wandering the snowy streets. "You buy her chocolate," Sirius said.

"Ok." Remus tugged Sirius by the elbow and the two trudged over to Honeyduke's. Sirius watched Remus weave in and out the aisles until eventually the tawny-haired boy returned with his arms full of sweets. "Like this?" he asked.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and responded, "More or less. I'm probably going with 'more'."

Remus chuckled and dumped the chocolate on the counter. Sirius dug into his pocket for money, but Remus shoved in front of him. The smaller boy placed two galleons and a sickle on the counter, looked at Sirius, and winked.

* * *

"Sirius, what do you do next?" 

Sirius lay on his stomach on Remus's bed, in front of a large pile of chocolate. It turned out that most of the chocolate had apparently been for Remus, instead of his girl, and the werewolf was willing to share it with his fellow Marauder. Sirius looked over the mound of chocolate at Remus, who was sitting cross-legged on top of his pillows. Sirius looked outside at the snowy afternoon. "You bring her roses," Sirius told his friend.

Remus nodded, and reached across his bed for the wand that was sitting on his nightstand. "_Orchideous,_" he pronounced, flicking his wand, and instantly, amidst a festive shower of red sparks, a bouquet of roses – red and white and some that appeared to be an intricate combination – appeared in mid air in front of Sirius. "Like this?" asked Remus with a smile.

Sirius stared at the bouquet appraisingly. "A bit flashy," he critiqued. "She might think you're somewhat of a showoff," he said with a grin. Remus laughed sheepishly and Sirius ruffled the other boy's hair, unable to resist. "Then again, maybe she'll think it's cute."

"I think it's cute," defended Remus with mock-seriousness, and the two boys laughed together, collapsing into the pile of chocolates.

* * *

"Sirius, what do I do next?" Remus asked. "Remember, I want to get laid tonight. I want to make it clear that it's serious." Remus waited a few seconds and then snorted in laughter, which Sirius found very cute but very perplexing. 

Sirius stroked his stubbly chin – he liked to remain in the nebulous zone between clean-shaven and all-out bearded – and frowned. "Well, that is difficult. It's a subtle art. You have to come off as interested, but in control of your hormones. You have to seem exciting, an adventure, a bad boy...but still seem reliable enough to be there in the morning."

Remus nodded. "Hmm. That is tricky. How do I do that?"

"You take her hand, and walk beside her. Not in front like you're trying to pull her along to fast, and not behind like you're dragging your heels. Then you stop in some corner of the courtyard or in some empty classroom, and you press your lips against hers quickly and then ask, 'Is this alright?' Then you brush your hands against her body, places you want to touch, places she wants to be touched, and you ask 'Is this alright?'"

Remus felt for Sirius's hand and walked a ways, finally looking up into Sirius's face. He stopped walking, and Sirius stopped also. Remus gently put his hand against Sirius's cheek and his other hand on Sirius's shoulder, stood up on his tip-toes, and pressed his lips against Sirius's. Then he pulled back. "Is this alright?" he asked, mimicking Sirius's tone almost perfectly.

There was a silence as neither of them said anything. Sirius could hear water pouring out of the mouth of a gargoyle fountain. Then Remus asked, "Like that?"

Sirius nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yeah, that's – "

Remus pressed his mouth to Sirius's again, this time pulling Sirius's head downward slightly. Sirius's mouth had been open and it still was and he could feel Remus's tongue gently probing his cheeks and the roof of his mouth. Since he believed from the bottom of his heart that it would be discourteous not to kiss back, Sirius moved his lips against the other boy's and pushed at Remus's tongue with his own.

Then Sirius felt Remus's thigh press lightly between his legs. He gasped into Remus's mouth and Remus pulled away. "Is that alright?" he asked again. "Like that?"

Sirius nodded. He could feel twinges of desire running through his body.

Remus grinned happily and stepped away. "Excellent."

* * *

"So Sirius, what do I do now?" Remus and Sirius walked away from the dining hall. Remus reached for Sirius's hand once they had gotten outside, and looked to Sirius for confirmation. 

"Yeah, that's a good idea. The hand thing. Well...Do you think she's ready?"

Remus suffered another bout of his poorly-hidden, enigmatic laughter. "Yeah, I think."

Sirius frowned at his friend in confusion, and then shook his head and said, "Well, if she is, you should take her someplace romantic...and private."

Remus stopped walking. "Like this?" he asked, coyly.

Sirius looked away from Remus and at their surroundings. They had walked into a rose garden, a labyrinth of thick, robust bushes covered in flowers. The different colors of roses made different designs; here, there was a checkerboard of red and white; there, the Hogwarts crest done in rosebushes.

Sirius looked at Remus with a newfound awe. There were any number of things he could have said, but instead he nodded and whispered, "Yeah. It's perfect."

Remus took Sirius's hand and the two boys walked down one of the paths toward the center of the garden. The night was serene.

"Pads. Happy Valentine's Day."

Sirius had been staring at Remus incredulously for the past few minutes, and he finally said, "Moony…I didn't know you were…"

"Well I am," he said, smiling.

And Remus grabbed Sirius's head and pulled it down to his own eager lips. Remus slid his palms along Sirius's skin up to his chest. Sirus gasped and pulled Remus's hips toward his, and he could feel that the werewolf was as aroused as he was. Sirius reached up inside Remus's shirt and pulled it and the black school robes over the tawny head of hair.

Remus helped Sirius out of _his_ shirt and then pressed warm, wet kisses all over Sirius's chest. Sirius dropped his hand and wedged it between his body and the body pressing hard against it, and his fingers fumbled for Remus's belt buckle.

Looking once up into the werewolf's chocolate eyes, Sirius dropped to his knees.

Remus moaned as he felt the heat of Sirius's mouth surrounding him until finally he screamed a wordless cry. Then, feeling giddy with lingering pleasure, he pushed Sirius down against the grassy slope. Sirius lay on his back, looking up at the boy illuminated by the silver-white moonlight, and felt his jeans unzipping, sliding off his hips, leaving his bare skin in naked contact with the grass.

Remus crawled between his legs, and Sirius breathed in heavy gasps that shortened and intensified as the night moved on. He didn't know what time it was, how long it had been, how long the world had rung with absolute, inexplicable perfection...

Sirius looked once at Remus, blinked, once at the bright pinpoints of light in the black velvet sky, blinked, and looked once at the tall Hogwarts towers, cut-outs against the night, before finally closing his eyes. He felt warm, wrapped in a soft thick blanket, gulping in the smell of exertion, the taste of the air, the taste of Remus's mouth on his.

Remus sank down to lie beside the boy he loved, felt strong arms he loved surround him, and rested his head on the warm flesh of the only shoulder he wanted, the shoulder he loved.

Neither of the boys made any sound or move at all. They simply shared the rich, tangible supple silence.

Then the two Gryffindors heard excited whispers, and a muffled giggle from somewhere nearby. Remus sat up, and Sirius tapped his fingers on the other boy's spine in a quiet dance.

It was younger girl, crouched behind a rosebush to ogle the shirtless boys.

"WE'RE HERE 'TIL THURSDAY!" Sirius bellowed gleefully from the ground, causing a pink-cheeked Remus to chortle. The frightened girl, who realized she'd been caught, scampered away as quickly as possible.

Remus turned back to Sirius, who lay on the grass with his arms folded behind his head, his silky dark hair fanning out around his face. Sirius glanced at the stars, the castle, the rose garden, and then stared peacefully into Remus's eyes.

Then, his face splitting into a grin, he said, "And that, my dear friend, is how you get a girl on Valentine's Day."

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Well, I hoped you liked my happy fluff. Please leave a review! 


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